My thoughts today

Remind me to re-check the date before I post my entries! I wrote the previous one early this morning before I went to bed yet it posted as Feb. 14, 2006. No big deal, I set it to the correct date.

So far this morning, I've only had half a cup of coffee and not interested in the other half. It was good tasting coffee too (I didn't prepare it) yet some where between the 8th or 9th sip I was satisfied. You know you are getting older and hopefully wiser when you realize moderation takes many avenues.

I never drank coffee when I was younger. My thing was and should still be chocolate milk. I would have a glass of chocolate milk for breakfast and head off to high school. I did plenty of walking those days. By the time I reached the school I was famished and someone would always hook me up with a bite of something tasty just to hold me until lunch. Mom never understood why I could not eat a big breakfast so early in the morning. Can you imagine eating a big breakfast then walking several miles to school? By the time I arrived there I would have needed a nap.

On my worse days I would not even eat lunch in the cafeteria due to some meal I could barely stand smelling let alone eating. Back then we didn't know before hand what was going to be served, we sort of heard it threw the grape vine as we waited in line for our turn. Again the surprise factor finds itself in places that frankly it need not be in. I kept my stash of blow-pop lollypops and that would sustain me until I arrived home. Then I would get home and mother would announce the dinner menu and wouldn't you know it, it was the same thing being served in school. One day I asked her without even thinking of the consequences, if she had a direct line to the lunch room since they would get together and coordinate the same meals just for my benefit. She was not amused. My dad began to take over the meals shortly after that.

Let me paint this picture for you, what ever dad cooked I had to eat period. There was no way around it. You could not say no to him and have all your teeth intact. One Saturday morning I awakened to all sorts of noise. The radio in the living room was blasting and someone was knocking very loudly on my door. It was my father who had cooked me a huge breakfast and wanted me to eat it immediately. Gee, can I wake up first I said to myself. While I was eating he made it clear to me that I had to eat whatever was being cooked despite whom was cooking it and that it was not opened for discussion. That was it, we never touched that subject again. From then on I ate whatever they prepared and thanked them for it.

At times we take so much for granted, things another person couldn't even get their hands on we disregard as if it had less worth. When things happen to me, somehow the bigger picture deposits itself within my walls. It's never gone even if I've temporarily lost sight if it. Have I repeated the same mistakes? Yes, I have done that and to my defense it happened to be a result of giving someone the benefit of the doubt.

It takes the right person saying the right thing to break down the walls revealing those lessons learned. Lessons that had remained buried and intact, when that occurs vulnerable and exposed are two prevailing things that I do not mind being. If anything else is worth exploring and having, we should be able to give of ourselves first even if it's not the norm to do so or hasn't been the norm up until that point.Why do we think there is something wrong with that concept? I believe it's because we fear where it may lead so we edit and moderate at times for the right and sometimes for the wrong reasons.

I worked up an appetite, will you join me for lunch? Not sure what I am having yet I can assure you I will appreciate each bite and savor it as long as possibleand will look forward to it until the next time.

N.