December 10, 2005

Pondering About Friends

Today's post was inspired by addy and kat who wrote articles about friends on their blogs so giving credit where it's due. Notice that I said inspired by them and this article in no way is in response to any thing they posted, it is solely my experience thus far in that area.

Some friends have long since passed and are sorely missed and the rest of my friends I hold dear. I recalled the many things we've done and at times I wish we could turn back the clock. Going back would be great but not just to relive those wonderful moments but to tell my long gone friends more frequently how much they meant to me. We've all heard the saying that "life is short" we'll not all us want to embrace that fact.

I have learned many things from my friends, some were painful lessons and some were very pleasantly enlightening. At first I thought the painful lessons were things I could have lived without but a lesson learned in such manner is no less important than other lessons. Never-the-less, those things opened my eyes and basically forced to me to admit that no matter how good a friends intentions are that at some point they might let you down because your expectations and theirs might be completely different.

Friendship is a two way street.You should be able to give-and-take not just take or just give. Chances are you won't agree on every subject, that's cool and even healthy because you'll talk about it more than you would normally have done and you'll probably learn something about that person that you may not have other wise known if the subject hadn't come up resulting in your friendship becoming stronger in the process or it falls apart.

When things fall apart the first thing that a person wants to do is make sure they do not let anyone get that close to them again. I admit to have been guilty of that and have for many years not made new friends. That is not a healthy way to live because the people I meet have no fault in what has happened in my life and pushing them away is making them pay for something they shouldn't be paying for. We could miss out on a wonderful friendship just because something an idiot did years ago. Not a good way to live one's life. It's as if we want people come with warning labels along with guarantees of a painless relationship, if that were only possible it would spare us a lot if heart ache. However, that is not the case and we take chances opening up and we may do it slower and more cautiously than in the past never-the-less we are willing to let that one person in.

Whether its in real life or not, if you are my friend then you know that there are things I don't talk about. The main reason why I don't talk about certain things is due to the fact that I do not want to let those things define me. I am not what has happened to me, I am not what has not happened to me. Among other things, I am a person with hopes and goals with a some what okay sense of humor and that happens to have gone through some things. We chose to let someone close enough to be a friend and if they hurt us it's our choice whether to let it eat at us for the rest of our lives or not. That was also one of those lessons I needed to learn and grateful that I did.

I hold myself accountable for how I allow past painful friendships impact my emotions. I take a good look at what happened and I determine that it's not worth losing my cool over it. That's one of the reasons why I enjoy watching football. You don't see the other team crying about the opposing team's recent 10 yard gain. Oh of course they are not happy about the gain however they do not allow that make them lose focus of the task at hand. Unless there's 5 seconds left on the game clock and their behind by 21 points.... had to throw that in there! Not much one can do at that point but watch the tape of the game, make a few changes and try again next time. Do you get my point? Life happens everyday and it comes from all angles but how we handle it is what matters and we can regroup and thanks to our friends or friend we don't have to handle it alone.

One of the amazing things about life it that when you least expect it, one day you are suddenly pleasantly surprised to learn that there are still nice people out there and are looking forward to being life long friends with them. :-) Who knows why a certain person comes into your life when they do and the manner they did? Therefore, friends are to be treasured and so is what you know about them and what they know about you. It's a matter of who can you trust and with what. Which brings me to the internet. Identification theft is real and nasty just as the people that can rip your life to shreds if you give them the info to do it with. That is another reason why I do not give out too much pers info. I use nicknames I've had for years. FWIW, I seldom use my birth/legal name in rl either.

Do I want to tell everyone everything? Did that, got burnt, refuse to make the t-shirt! When we meet people online we are all taking a chance the other person is not being honest about themselves and their is very little that can be done about it if you learn they are not who you say they are. As for me, what you "see" is completely 100% authentic me. I left tons off my blog profile because who wants to read a profile that's a mile long??? Since I am on a roll, here is a bit more info that you were not aware of. I can not sing to save my life. I like fast cars although I sold mine a few years ago. Ever so often I can appreciate a nice piece of chocolate, enjoy comedies and watching the OCC. Last but not least, I appreciate people who speak up about things that matter to them while respecting you whether you agree with them or not...and that my friends concludes this article.


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