July 24, 2006

Starting Over Again

When you don't know where to start all that matters is that you start SOMEWHERE! I've been told I have been very distracted lately, not myself and somewhat off...well duh! So much going on and all of it happening at the same time, very little room to breathe, can't hear myself think most of the time and my clumsiness has increased to the point I don't think there is a part of me I have hurt or burnt in the last 3 or so weeks. The latest scar was courtesy of our dear friend H. trailer hitch. He was kind enough to help us get rid of the carpet that had been pulled off to be replaced with new flooring. Nice day out, we were throwing the bundles of carpet when I walk over to the hitch and slammed my leg on the tail light which was sitting on this nice piece of metal with sharp edges. I have been wearing long pants since the incident cause it look like someone took a shot at me and took a piece with them. Not a picnic wearing long pants in this hot humid weather, the good part is that it is clearing up. We went to North Carolina for a few days and to be very honest, I wish we hadn't gone. For several reasons the trip was not what we had expected it to be and like anything else you can't undo what has been done so I learned not to rush things not even a much needed trip. That is where I am starting over, not rushing and taking time (real time) for myself. I know, I have stated I am going to pamper myself more often and I haven't yet I can not afford not to any longer. My body is sending me more messages than I care to admit and am not going to ignore them this time around. If I were to remove all the stress, concerns and issues that currently exist in my life, I would still be left with my body and it's needs. I am jumping from topic to topic here, because I am trying to type fast. This last topic is most certainly not the least important one on the contrary. You have been on my mind. I wonder where you are, I wonder if you are okay. I wonder if there is anything I can do or say to help ease the pain, anxiety you are feeling...I wonder if you have smiled lately and if you haven't, I wonder what will make you smile again. I wonder if you believe like I do, that things will get better...and I wonder if you can hold on to that ray of hope throughout this journey and I wonder if you know that you are stronger than you think you are, you always have give yourself a break, stop beating yourself up and don't forget that you are not alone as you walk towards the life you want...and once you arrive there, then and only then will I no longer wonder.


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